Many of us want to change. We want to get rid of bad habits like smoking or getting stressed easily. Or we want to learn new positive habits, like meditating or doing sports. Ambition is beautiful. Just if we don’t watch out, then the need for self-care which drives the ambition to change, will become self-sabotage. These 6 questions might help you keeping you on a mindful path to change.
1.What is it what you really want to change?
Do you want to check your phone less often or do you like to be searching less for distraction?
Certain behaviors are symptoms of something bigger what’s driving the behaviors. Focussing on the symptoms won’t change the cause of the symptoms.
2.Are you able to recognise your own change?
If you’re searching for a red-shouldered macaw, be sure that you’re able to recognise it once you found one.
Know which results to expect from yourself when. Creating clear tangible babysteps and adding a timeline will help with this.
3.Is your goal phrased in black-white terms?
Do you like to stop a bad habit or to completely change some habit?
(Many) Western minds think binary. Life isn’t. Can you grant yourself a realistic goal, and replace terms like’ completely’ and ‘stop’ with ‘less’ or ‘more (often)’. For example: less often checking Facebook instead of completely quitting facebook.
4.Relapse coming in, 3, 2, 1….
(Many) Western minds think linearly. Life isn’t. So your path of change won’t be linear. How are you going to handle your first relapse? Giving up? Abandon your resolutions?
Expect relapses. They are part of your journey. Grant yourself some off-moments or off-days.
5.How do you usually sabotage yourself?
You want to change. But some parts in you don’t. Take a look at your life thus far. Do you recognise some of these (common) beliefs/attitudes whenever you take on a project?
At the start of the project
– all I need is discipline
– all-or-nothing: I will either reach the goal completely, or I
– all I need is self-compassion: lets not have goals or
– I want to do it all by myself
– I belief I (/no-one) can really change
In the middle of the project
– Naaaa, it’s not so interesting anymore
– Naaaa, this is not for me
– I’m simply not good at this, lets quit
– I realise I don’t have time for this
Self-sabotage is completely normal, we all do this. Just try not to let these beliefs dictate your process. By realising how you tend to sabotage yourself, you can already prepare what do to when self-sabotaging beliefs become more vocal.
6.Who is behind the driving wheel?
Are you propelled by your inner slave driver or your inner mother? (Self-) love and understanding form more fertile soil for change than barb wire and whips.